Water is vital to the survival of all living things, even camels. I, myself, am not fond of water, though I am fond of camels. Magazines are always telling you that drinking water will cure all your ills. You want clear skin free of breakouts? Water! Do you want skin that glows? Water! Do you want to lose weight? Water! Want to free yourself of headaches? Surely you can sense where I’m going with this.

Now once and for all, how much is the right amount of water you are supposed to quaff a day? No one can seem to agree on this. Some say 64 ounces, the equivalent of eight eight ounce glasses. Some say eighty ounces, ten glasses. Another says you can never drink too much water, which is just not true because somewhere along there you can end up with a quaint little condition called hyponatremia which is water poisoning. How do you like that? You drink water to get rid of your acne, and what do you get? Dead, that’s what. You get dead. Not quite as pretty as you were hoping for.

I know you’re supposed to drink water and everything, but I have to force myself. To me, water tastes awful. Now, I’m sure many of you are saying “That’s silly. Water doesn’t have a taste.” At least, that’s probably what you’re saying if you’re my mother. That’s what she always told me. Well, I taste it. I can even tell you which brand of bottled water I’m drinking without seeing the label.

Luckily, the good people at...well, a bunch of places, have devised a tastier way to consume your requisite water ration. If it wasn’t for drop-ins I probably would not drink water. I drink Crystal Light White Peach Tea. Even my 18 month old likes it. And yes, I realize that Crystal Light is probably not the best thing for a toddler to drink, but it’s one of the few things that won’t come dribbling back out of his mouth.

Yes, water has in recent years become a very en vogue trend, just like adult rompers and being gay. Drinking water, however, does not require a serious lifestyle decision and probably won’t go out of style within the year. Unless you count disposable water bottles but I won’t get into that now. Look for it in a later post entitled It’s Not Easy Beating Someone Who’s ‘Green.’

There are several companies who put out water. It’s not like a Coke vs Pepsi thing here; it actually is the same product. Even though Coke does make a water. Is that the right vernacular? I don’t think a company can make water. Unless God owns a beverage conglomerate. Holy Trinity H20: Start your day the Holy way! I suppose it should be ‘put out’. Coke puts out a water. That’s Dasani. Then there’s Aquafina, Pepsi’s water, which tastes metallic to me. Would you like a refreshing treat that tastes like you just licked a lead pipe? Sure, who wouldn’t!

There’s also Fiji, the cutest little cube of water there is. Next is a misleading brand. How man of you were disappointed when you eagerly took a swig of Nestle water only to get a mouthful of water that was in no way chocolate flavored? Perhaps that’s why Hershey doesn’t put out water. Up next in the domestic waters is Deer Park. Does that name disturb anyone else? Water from a place with a whole lot of deer running around. It makes me hesitant.
Evian. One of my favorite bottled waters. It was even before that whole Roller Babies commercial. Go to the website and see it; it’s cute. Evian, French for water. Actually, French for water is l’eau. At the Whole Foods market there is a wall dedicated to water, with all types of fun bottles. Voss, Glaceau, and other brands I can’t pronounce.

My other favorite bottled water is Smart Water and not just because the ads have Jennifer Anniston in them. At home we call is Cloud Water because the bottle talks about clouds and...and...something about clouds. It’s good, though. As good as a water can really be. At least it doesn’t taste like a mouthful of pennies.

There was a period when I was drinking a lot of water every day. The only thing I really got out of it was exercise from walking to and from the water cooler and the bathroom. My skin was no clearer. I was no lighter. And I still didn’t like the taste. I fell out of that habit. Nothing has changed. I got the same amount of exercise when I was seven months pregnant. Not that I’m implying pregnancy is a good substitute for water consumption.

I hate cold water. I can’t drink it as fast. When it comes to me and water, the faster you get it down the faster it’s gone.

But then you have to go fill up the bottle again. You just can’t win.