I hate introductions.

I greatly dislike having to introduce myself. That includes that space in every Internet profile form entitled ‘About Me’. It’s even worse if it involves going around a circle and ‘saying a little bit about yourself.’ What are you supposed to say? “Hi, I’m Gloria. I’m a vegetarian. I am a part-time taxidermist and mechanic. My blood type is AB positive and my greatest ambition is to live my whole life without contracting Mad Cow disease.” Is some of that appropriate? None of it?

Honestly, I do know the basic stuff you’re supposed to include, marital status, name, number of kids, job, etc... I just don’t like it. It feels like a mix between the Mickey Mouse Club and Alcoholics Anonymous. So if you ever stumble upon a profile of mine on some random website that I may or may not have forgotten about, chances are the ‘About Me’ section is blank. What can I say, I like mystery.

Sometimes, though, I do get a good kick out of reading what other people think you ought to know about them. One ‘About Me’ is a picture of the alma mater, a picture of the boyfriend’s dorm room window (the outside of the building), and the school football stadium. Talk about being true to your school. That profile was on a site that had nothing to do with schools at all, for the record. That individual either really likes her school or just can’t think of anything else to write so she took up as much space as possible with pics.

Another profile lists all of their ‘furbabies’, which I believe are known to the rest of us as pets. Either that or this person mated with a yeti. It also refers to the author as a ‘furmommy’. Maybe she was the yeti.

In this case, I suppose I should outline what this blog is about. There is no one topic that I cover. Having small children comes up a lot lately in my life so expect to see a good bit about that. I am a mother but no kind of typical one, as my blog title states. Whatever sparks my interest at the time is what I will write about. I also take requests.

I don’t get down with any Jon and Kate updates or laments. The only thing I have to say about any of that is that Jon character is a douchebag and, frankly, looks as though there may be something mentally or developmentally wrong with him. Just my opinion. But I may from time to time comment. Just for fun. Wait, no...just to make fun.

Topics may surface include but are not limited to babies, children, drinking water, weight loss, food, wine, death metal, Chickens, parenting, pregnancy, clothes, fashion, complaining, marriage or a better idea, money, books, other blogs, Lewis Grizzard, spelling bees, Runner’s World, photography, modeling, crazy kids shows, Hungry Girl, Storked!, Neal Pollack, baby food, shoes, Sex and the City, kids who bite, and reading a pregnancy test: a tutorial.

I will do my best to post every few days or so, but until I get a computer that weighs less than fifteen pounds, I’m doing my writing and internet perusing during stolen moments at work. And unfortunately, there is a firewall that won’t allow sites with horoscopes (considered ‘paranormal’, we all know how dangerous THAT could be), the magazine site for Food & Wine (‘alcohol’, although you can go to the Anheuser Busch site all day long; apparently we’re telling children that you can drink beer all the livelong day but a glass of Beaujolais Nouveau with dinner may kill you instantly), or anything with contemporary music news (I don’t know). Also included are Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, and any site that happens to contain the word ‘blog’. So until such a time as I have a better means of blogging, consider my words contraband for they are not what I am supposed to be doing right now.

But as this is the opening of my blog, I guess at least the basics should be stated.

Hi, I’m Darci, aka DeathMetalMommy. I am married to Dave, a death metal bassist/faithful househusband. We have two boys, Connor, 17 months, who says awesome and frequently dances to the riffs of Between the Buried and Me and other such metal bands and the Wonder Pets theme song, and Sully, 4 months, who sports a baby mohawk and is happy just to be, and lately I was informed looks sort of like a cartoon frog.

Tune in next time!